Starry Skies in Jae's Haven

Even animals need a job once in a while. Then how about us, human fleshed beings?
We are in a time equal or even much worst to the Great depression.
People are losing jobs everyday and everywhere.
Where is a place where we can finally find solitude and fulfilling.
Where is a place where we no long have to worry if we go bankrupt the next day?

Where is a person who can stand up from billions and lead the world to a new era?
Where is the hope and light that is supposed to appear at the end of a dark tunnel?
Where are the hands to embrace a depressed soul?

Equal and Inequality is no longer much of a difference.
The end of the world and era could be near.
Everything as we know it crumbles down upon us.
Everyday, lives fade from our very eyes,
Figures of heroes no long seem clear.

The sound of the creaking that comes from crumbling,
is inevitable to the human senses.
As much as we like to deny the truth.
It lies there in front of us.
Taking on a much horrid turn each coming day.
Extinct is no more than a door away.
 

  

Lost Innocence is now masked by fear.
Yet, fear is masked by another mask.
The mask of pure sorrow and yearning.
We were born without  a concealing mask.

The longer, the mask remains upon our face.
We realize, us ourselves has become inseparable with the mask.
We realize we have lost ourselves to it.
Therefore, even if we wish to remove this mask.
We no longer have the strength to do so.

Forgetting who we once were.
Who we thought we were.
Succumbing to the mask and allowing it to take over us.
Losing what we had belief in.
Losing what we once trusted in.

Mistrusting others and distrusting ourselves.
We allow our emotions to cloud over us.
No longer able to tear down this mask.
 

I remembered that, no matter,
Rainy days, Sunny days, Cloud days, Snowing days, Foggy Days.
Spring, Summer, Fall or winter.
You used to always hold out a bowl of Rice Congee to me.

No matter if it was in a car or at home.
You would always have a bowl of congee awaiting for me.
Because, congee is our little secret.
Its our item of turning a day around.

Making your special congee, holding it out to me.
I take it without hesitation and slurp it up.
Because, no matter,
Sad Days, Happy Days, Depressed days and bored days.

Congee is what makes me able to stand up and look straight ahead.
I will have the will and strength to run towards the future.
With the love and time you put into making congee for me.
Is what gives me the will to never back away.

Now, here I stand, unable to move.
Unable to move from my frozen state.
I have lost my will and strength to move forward.
Because, I am unable to see or smell your scent of your congee.
But, that scent, smell and taste will forever be in my mouth and heart,
Most of all my memories.
 

 

Even, if my eyes show I need him.
Even if my eyes reflect only him in the days to come.
Even if I turn and see him with an outreached hand to me.
I worry, I will not have the strength to reach for that hand.

For I know, no matter how much I have dreamed of holding that hand again.
Its nothing to me now, because there is a wound in my heart.
No matter how hard my eyes try to reject what my heart reflects.
I can't deny what my true thoughts are.

I realize if one day a miracle does occur.
Maybe there he will be behind me with an outstretched hand.
But, what my eyes reflect are nothing but, tears to fall.
My eyes no longer reflect that happiness.

My eyes only reflect a man I no longer know.
A man who stepped out of my life.
My eyes only show fear and shock in them now.
There is no longer the warmth and joy in my eyes.

Even as I reach for that hand,
It vanishes from my sight even if I take a step forward.
So, all I can do is allow my eyes to reflect the fear.
The endless tears and blankness which now resides in me.

If we were to cross paths again someday.
We might as simply without hesitation brush pass each other.
Brushing pass without looking at the other.
Because, in my heart he has truly faded.
In his heart, he is no longer the same man I once knew.

~Jae
 

Sometimes,  I wish he was here.
The father figure who once sat by me.
Sat there watching the sunrise with me.
Telling me stories of his past.
Stories of the truth.




We would sit on the soft grass in the garden.
Do the laundry together.
As for summer nights, we would count the stars in the skies.
Losing track of time until, dawn broke through the night skies again.



But, now we are separated by Yin and Yang.
Yin is you, Yang is I.
We can no longer see each other.
Or feel each other's embrace.
Because, death is eternal.
Nothing can change the fact that you no longer exist.
But, I can still see your reflection in the  bathtub water.



As years, passed and brushed through.
I come to know, you were always there with me.
Guarding my dreams, never leaving my side.
I can charge forward, as long as I know you are near.

~Jae